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A Birthday Gift from Charlie

crystalMarch 5, 2016October 22, 2017 Calvin Phoenix, Charlie Bastian 0

"I love Calvin. He was my brother." This morning, we stopped by the art store after our chiro appointment, and Charlie picked out paper that he wanted to use "to wrap Calvin's present." It was green foil with green dots. After we got home, he asked me for a box. Into that

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Happy 6th Birthday, Calvin Phoenix

crystalMarch 5, 2015 Calvin Phoenix 1

Six years ago today, my first son was stillborn. We named him Calvin Phoenix. I held his tiny body in my arms. And in those too brief moments, I was filled with such a tremendous amount of love and peace. That love, I've come to recognize, comes from my mother-heart. It

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For my Calvin Phoenix

I miss you. I love you. I wish I had you and all of your siblings here with us. 2013. Happy 3rd birthday, darling boy. We love you more every day. Calvin Phoenix is our precious first baby, after whom this project is named. He is in heaven with his sisters Rainbow and Gaelen,

Capture Your Grief – Day 14: Light and Dark

crystalOctober 16, 2014October 27, 2014 Calvin Phoenix, Capture Your Grief 2014, Gaelen Evangeline, Grief & Loss, Honor & Remember, Louie, Pixel Clementine, Projects, Rainbow Baby 0

The white "One Who Soars" and black "In Mourning" wristbands are from the MISS Foundation. The March of Dimes wristband (purple) is from the March for Babies. Capture Your Grief is an annual, 31-day mindful healing project that consists of photography and reflection. It is for “anyone who is grieving the death

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Capture Your Grief – Day 13: Season

crystalOctober 16, 2014October 27, 2014 Calvin Phoenix, Capture Your Grief 2014, Gaelen Evangeline, Grief & Loss, Pixel Clementine, Projects, Rainbow Baby 0

Calvin, Rainbow, Gaelen, and Pixel — I feel your absence more acutely when the sky is filled with white and the air smells cold and heavy. I miss you most in the moments before rain. Love, Mommy Capture Your Grief is an annual, 31-day mindful healing project that consists of photography and reflection.

Capture Your Grief – Day 12: Music

crystalOctober 15, 2014October 16, 2014 Calvin Phoenix, Capture Your Grief 2014, Charlie Bastian, Gaelen Evangeline, Grief & Loss, Music & Songs, Pixel Clementine, Projects, Rainbow Baby 0

"All of Me" is one of those songs that just overcomes me. It sums up how I feel about every one of my children — how I felt when I learned of Calvin's amniotic band syndrome and then held him after he was stillborn, how I felt during each following

Calvin, Rainbow, Gaelen, and Pixel's spaces in our home.

Capture Your Grief – Day 11: Altar

crystalOctober 13, 2014October 13, 2014 Calvin Phoenix, Capture Your Grief 2014, Gaelen Evangeline, Grief & Loss, Pixel Clementine, Projects, Rainbow Baby 0

The spaces of our home are filled with the presence of all of our babies. Capture Your Grief is an annual, 31-day mindful healing project that consists of photography and reflection. It is for “anyone who is grieving the death of a baby or child at any age or gestation.” Learn how

Calvin's Cupcakes: Made for Heavenly Babies

Capture Your Grief – Day 9: In Memory

crystalOctober 12, 2014October 12, 2014 Calvin Phoenix, Capture Your Grief 2014, Grief & Loss, Honor & Remember, Projects, Resources & Support 0

I started Calvin's Cupcakes in memory of my first son Calvin Phoenix. It has been such a humbling honor to abide with other families who have experienced child loss, to share part of their stories, and to create these virtual remembrance cupcakes for their children. To make a request, please

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