Tuesday, July 16, 2019
Home > My Babies > Calvin Phoenix > Finding Enough Reason to Sing

Finding Enough Reason to Sing

Not too long ago, while sitting on the bus on the way to work listening to my iPod, I began thinking about how I used to always sing – whether it was with the radio, responding to Louie or my siblings in song, making up melodies in nonsense words, or through humming as I worked. Since losing Calvin, however, that desire had buried itself beneath my grieving.

That same night, Louie’s cousin, Abby, sent me a message via Twitter, telling me to look up a song on YouTube. She told me that she hears me, Louie, and Calvin in the song. Here are the video and lyrics:

Desert Song (This is Our God)

This is my prayer in the desert
When all that’s within me feels dry
This is my prayer in my hunger and need
My God is the God who provides

And this is my prayer in the fire
In weakness or trial or pain
There is a faith proved
Of more worth than gold
So refine me Lord through the flames

And I will bring praise
I will bring praise
No weapon forged against me shall remain

I will rejoice
I will declare
God is my victory and He is here

And this is my prayer in the battle
When triumph is still on it’s way
I am a conqueror and co-heir with Christ
So firm on His promise I’ll stand

And I will bring praise
I will bring praise
No weapon forged against me shall remain

I will rejoice
I will declare
God is my victory and He is here

All of my life
In every season
You are still God
I have a reason to sing
I have a reason to worship

This is my prayer in the harvest
When favor and providence flow
I know I’m filled to be emptied again
The seed I’ve received I will sow

How amazing is that? That she would send me that song and tell me to watch the longer version of the video (with the testimonial) on that particular day… Even though I may not always feel Him, I know I am held in God’s Grace. And even though Calvin Phoenix is not physically here with me, I have a beautiful son to whom I am so blessed to be mother. And that is enough reason to sing.

Thank you, Abby, for reminding me, and for remembering me, Louie, and especially Calvin Phoenix.

crystal
Crystal is a mother-wife-writer whose explorations include parenting, grief, food, and semi-crunchy living. She is currently an MFA in writing student, a content editor for Still Standing Magazine, and the technical editor for Switchback.

"Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen." (Ephesians 4:29)

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