Friday, September 25, 2020
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The 5th Belongs to Calvin

One of the women in my support group mentioned that she makes cupcakes on the same day of every month, the date of her son’s birthday, as a way to honor and remember him. I think it’s a beautiful idea, and would like to do something similar for Calvin, and for myself and my husband. I am calling it The 5th Belongs to Calvin (I’ll explain why in a future post).

It would be a way for us to share him with the world, which is something that has weighed heavily in my heart. I wanted so much for people to know him as I have, to know how much joy, warmth, and purpose he brought into our lives. Especially during a time in which I was starting to forget myself and get lost in resentment over certain parts of my life, carrying Calvin, praying for him, crying over him brought Louie and me closer to each other, closer to family and friends, and more significantly, closer to God. Despite the aching, when it comes down to the very heart of it, Calvin Phoenix brings me calm. And my son continues to teach, inspire, and heal me.

Ultrasound of Calvin Phoenix at 7 weeks

The Calvin Phoenix Photo Project

As part of this celebration of my son’s brief life on earth (and continued life in heaven), I need your help. After encountering “Phoenix” in so many places and being blessed with the occasional “Calvin,” we’ve come to realize how much comfort it brings us; it feels like it’s our son telling us, “Yes, Mommy and Daddy, I still live, and I am still with you.” And in light of the fact that we have so few pictures of our little boy, I would like to ask you to help build our collection by contributing to The Calvin Phoenix Photo Project and join our family photo album.

There are more ways of seeing a person than by looking directly at him. Though my son was not meant to be in this world longer than the 4 1/2 months I carried him in my womb, each time I hear or see “Calvin” and “Phoenix,” I know he’s reminding me that he’s still with me. Would you help him pass his message to me and his daddy?

If you see our son’s name or anything that moves you to know that it is him, please let me know and send any photos to crystal[at]dandiewinks[dot]com.

Thank you so much!

Crystal is a mother-wife-writer whose explorations include parenting, grief, food, and semi-crunchy living. She is currently an MFA in writing student, a content editor for Still Standing Magazine, and the technical editor for Switchback.

"Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen." (Ephesians 4:29)

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