Wednesday, June 26, 2019
Home > Calvin's Cupcakes Remembrance > Hayden Daniel Murray (04.24.2012)

Hayden Daniel Murray (04.24.2012)

Hayden's remembrance cupcake

Hayden's remembrance cupcake

We miss you baby. More than words can begin to describe. But we know that you are continuously looking down on us and that you are safe and happy. We love you so much Hayden. One day we’ll be together again, and you’ll be in our arms!

Love always and forever, Mommy and Daddy

On April 23, 2012, I went to bed feeling a little crampy, but I thought it was just Hayden moving so thought nothing of it. That whole night I slept maybe all of 2 hours. My cramps were horrible. But I thought it was just gas or something and tried to ignore it.

At around 6:30 in the morning, I got up to go to the bathroom and it almost felt like I was peeing my pants. So I rush to the bathroom, and while I was going to the bathroom it kind of just kept going. I stopped and though to myself, “That’s not right…” I looked down… And there was a foot. Of course, I burst into tears, and I knew he was gone.

My husband was unfortunately knocked out in bed, while I was sitting on the toilet crying my eyes out. Thank heaven our golden retriever woke my husband up and dragged him into the bathroom. He asked me what was wrong, and if I was ok. I then proceeded to tell him that I had lost the baby, and I needed to call my mom. I called my mother, and she told me to go to the hospital, and that they would meet me there.

Once at the hospital, I then had to deliver my son. That was probably the hardest part. After he was born, they put him in a kidney bean tray and told me that I had options. If I wanted him buried or not, then I had that choice. A sweet nurse came down from labor and delivery and proceeded to tell me that she was going to take Hayden away and try and get some footprints, handprints, and if I wanted some pictures. While she was doing that, the head doctor of the hospital came down and gave me her condolences and said if I needed anything that she would try and help. At this point, I needed to go to the bathroom. When I got there it was nothing but blood, which scared me because when I had his foot sticking out there was no blood at all throughout the whole time until I delivered. Now it kind of gets a little confusing at this part because I can’t exactly remember which of these came first.

The nurse from Labor and Delivery came back with Hayden wrapped in a beautiful blue blanket, a buntee, and asked me if I wanted to hold my son. I got that opportunity to hold him, as did my parents and my husband. In fact we got a whole hour with him. But either before that or after that I ended up hemorrhaging and nearly died. That alone was like the cherry on top for scariest day of my life. Luckily the doctors and nurses got everything under control and I was good as new again.

The next thing I remember was going to another room and being told that my OB was across the city in surgery and some other OB from his office was going to come do my D&C to remove my placenta. After that, I was wheeled into the OR and they talked to me about something, put an oxygen mask over my face and said, “This is oxygen to help you breath,” and then I was out.

We decided to bury my son. At the time we didn’t have money for his funeral. But thanks to the military (that both me and my husband serve in) and family and friends, we raised over 3 thousand dollars. It made me realize just how many people are out there that love and support me. As hard as this all was, in the end I can see many blessings from it.

—Katie and Danny, Hayden’s parents

crystal
Crystal is a mother-wife-writer whose explorations include parenting, grief, food, and semi-crunchy living. She is currently an MFA in writing student, a content editor for Still Standing Magazine, and the technical editor for Switchback.

"Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen." (Ephesians 4:29)

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