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Category Archives: Calvin Phoenix

Capture Your Grief – Day 2: Heart

Because I cannot hold them in my arms, I carry them in my heart: Calvin Phoenix (03.05.2009) Rainbow (12.10.2009) Gaelen Evangeline (03.24.2011) Pixel Clementine (11.27.2013) Capture Your Grief is an annual, 31-day mindful healing project that consists of photography and reflection. It is for “anyone who is grieving the death of…

Capture Your Grief – Day 1: Sunrise

6:56am, San Francisco, CA at sunrise grey overwhelms blue the light fades into mourning wet fog surrounds me I wrote my first version of this poem, “each morning,” about two months after Calvin (my first baby) died. In those raw days of grieving, waking up to the reality that my…

The Spaces of Missing

This is Louie holding our first baby, Calvin Phoenix, after he was stillborn in 2009. This is Louie holding our fourth and only living baby, Charlie Bastian, after his birth in 2012. It’s not often that Louie is recognized as a father of more-than-one, as a daddy to FIVE wanted…

Carrying my babies

…all five in my heart, one in my arms.

Happy Holidays from our Family to Yours

October 15th

Three of my babies died. I miss them. I love them. I remember them — not that I’ve ever forgotten. It’s just that today, I am allowed to be a bereaved mother, to mourn, and to speak of the babies I carry in my heart. No one can tell me…

I look forward to this every month.

On July 6, 2013, Posted by , In Calvin Phoenix,Family,Photography, By , With No Comments

Father’s Day with a Living Son

I didn't know how much more I could fall in love until I witnessed the way he loves each of our children. Today is NOT his second Father’s Day, but it is his second time spending this holiday with his baby in his arms. For the first without worry whether…