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these fragments i love

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Capture Your Grief – Day 2: Heart

October 2, 2014 Leave a Comment

I carry Calvin, Rainbow, Gaelen, and Pixel in my heart

Because I cannot hold them in my arms, I carry them in my heart: Calvin Phoenix (03.05.2009) Rainbow (12.10.2009) Gaelen Evangeline (03.24.2011) Pixel Clementine (11.27.2013) Capture Your Continue Reading »

Filed Under: Calvin Phoenix, Capture Your Grief 2014, Gaelen Evangeline, Grief & Loss, Honor & Remember, Pixel Clementine, Projects, Rainbow Baby

Capture Your Grief – Day 1: Sunrise

October 2, 2014 Leave a Comment

Sunrise and St. Ignatius Church

6:56am, San Francisco, CA at sunrise grey overwhelms blue the light fades into mourning wet fog surrounds me I wrote my first version of this poem, "each morning," about two months after Continue Reading »

Filed Under: Calvin Phoenix, Capture Your Grief 2014, Gaelen Evangeline, Grief & Loss, Honor & Remember, Pixel Clementine, Poetry, Projects, Rainbow Baby

The Spaces of Missing

June 26, 2014 Leave a Comment

Louie with Calvin and Charlie

This is Louie holding our first baby, Calvin Phoenix, after he was stillborn in 2009. This is Louie holding our fourth and only living baby, Charlie Bastian, after his birth in 2012. It’s not often Continue Reading »

Filed Under: Calvin Phoenix, Gaelen Evangeline, Grief & Loss, Louie, Pixel Clementine, Rainbow Baby Tagged With: UCSF

Carrying my babies

December 29, 2013 Leave a Comment

...all five in my heart, one in my arms. Continue Reading »

Filed Under: Calvin Phoenix, Charlie Bastian, Family, Gaelen Evangeline, Photography, Pixel Clementine, Rainbow Baby

Happy Holidays from our Family to Yours

December 25, 2013 Leave a Comment

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Filed Under: Calvin Phoenix, Charlie Bastian, Family, Gaelen Evangeline, Photography, Pixel Clementine, Rainbow Baby

October 15th

October 15, 2013 Leave a Comment

Three of my babies died. I miss them. I love them. I remember them — not that I've ever forgotten. It's just that today, I am allowed to be a bereaved mother, to mourn, and to speak of the Continue Reading »

Filed Under: Calvin Phoenix, Gaelen Evangeline, Honor & Remember, Rainbow Baby Tagged With: October 15, PAIL, remembering

I look forward to this every month.

July 6, 2013 Leave a Comment

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Filed Under: Calvin Phoenix, Family, Photography Tagged With: remembering

Father’s Day with a Living Son

June 15, 2013 Leave a Comment

I didn't know how much more I could fall in love until I witnessed the way he loves each of our children. Today is NOT his second Father's Day, but it is his second time spending this holiday Continue Reading »

Filed Under: Calvin Phoenix, Charlie Bastian, Gaelen Evangeline, Photography, Rainbow Baby Tagged With: fathers day

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