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Category Archives: Calvin Phoenix

S is for Stop (and sit with the grief)

Be strong. Don’t cry. You should be happy. He wouldn’t want to see you like this. Don’t let him see you like this. Don’t cry. He’s in a better place. You should be happy. You’re lucky. Just try again. Be strong. Keep busy. Just have another one. Don’t think about…

The 5th Belongs to Calvin: A Calvin’s Cupcakes sneak peek

On August 5, 2011, Posted by , In Calvin Phoenix,Design, By , With No Comments

Last year, on Calvin’s 1st birthday, I announced Calvin’s Cupcakes. Being able to create these remembrances is such an honor. It’s so special to connect with these children and their families as I’m designing the cupcakes and creating the posts. Today I want to share a sneak peek of something…

“Because Grief is As Real as Love”

The title of this piece is from the In Mourning Band™ Campaign. Louie and I wear these bands for our babies. Because grief is as real as love, I mourn. I mourn my babies by saying the same things over and over, by finding different ways to say these things…

More of Calvie’s cloud drawings

In last September’s The 5th Belongs to Calvin post, I showed Calvin’s name spelled in the clouds. This is the follow-up to that post… almost a year later. Yes, it had been sitting as a draft for almost that long. And, yes, I know I can be slow sometimes. But…

R is for Regrets (I really, really want a redo)

There was a point where, every single night, I would have trouble falling asleep because I was re-living the day Calvin was born and trying to make it right in my head over and over. I would imagine everything I would have (should have) done differently. I kept thinking about…

The 5th Belongs to Calvin: Things that will never change

“Happy 5th Calvin. 28 months in heaven. Momma misses you.” (via instagram 07.05.2011) Missing: the way he moved and tumbled,  the sound of his heartbeat, watching him on the ultrasound, his weight in my arms, his face and tiny gums. Longing: to have him back in my arms, for birthdays…

Q is for Questions (and no good answers)

I have been struggling to write this post for a while now. I’ve been writing it over and over in my notebook, then drawing big X’s over the words, because I just couldn’t get it to feel right. There was no doubt that Q would stand for Questions, but I…

Happy Birthday, Mama

On Saturday, Louie and I went to visit my grandmother at the cemetery. It was her birthday. We brought Calvin. I thought about her rocking him in her arms and singing to him. I emptied and rinsed her vases and used a dishwashing brush and Clorox wipes to clean her…