A names provides a way for people to identify you, to address and make contact with you; it's a way someone brings you into their world, into a moment through an invocation of sound, of breath and Continue Reading »
M is for Mother (Do I count?)
One of my husband's aunts came to visit us in the hospital after Calvin was born. I was in pain still, and I had difficulty getting out of the bed and walking to the bathroom. She made a comment to my Continue Reading »
L is for Longing (The permanent ache)
Time has not healed me. Time will not heal me. Yes, I believe I am healing, but there is a difference between healing and healed. The first is a process; the second is an end that I will not reach Continue Reading »
K is for Kinetics (Moving “foward”)
When people tell me you're so strong and I can't imagine and I don't know what I would do, a part of me feels like I'm showing a false front. To some degree, I can understand what they mean: how Continue Reading »
Happy Easter Calvin Phoenix, Rainbow Baby, and Gaelen Evangeline
It's still hard to believe that I haven't been able to celebrate Easter on earth with any of my children. We lost both Calvin and Gaelen during Lent and Rainbow just before Christmas. It's Calvin's Continue Reading »
J is for Jolt (What it feels like to know it’s over)
The natural progression of matter is from order into chaos. Aromas born of a carefully crafted medley of herb, spice, and sustenance, for example, only reach our nostrils through the random dispersion Continue Reading »
I is for Ignorance (Uncovering my ignorance through grief)
In the baby loss community, we point out the ignorance of those who don't understand what we're going through, who expect us to just pick up and dust off and move forward, who don't stop and really Continue Reading »
H is for Hiding (My need to cocoon)
Since losing Calvin, I've found myself becoming more reclusive that I already was before my world cracked open. I'm very much an introvert; I need to be away from people to regain my center, but over Continue Reading »