dandiewinks

Category Archives: Life

Finding Enough Reason to Sing

On October 17, 2009, Posted by , In Calvin Phoenix,Faith,Grief & Loss,Life,Miscarriage, By , , With No Comments

Not too long ago, while sitting on the bus on the way to work listening to my iPod, I began thinking about how I used to always sing – whether it was with the radio, responding to Louie or my siblings in song, making up melodies in nonsense words, or…

Dreams and Fears

I’ve had two dreams about giving birth to a dead baby. I’m in the hospital, and I know it’s a different place and time. I remember pushing and laboring, then passing out. I have flashes of them wrapping the baby up in a yellow receiving blanket. Louie is with me…

Thank You for Bearing Witness

I want to thank those of you who responded to our cries yesterday, on what was supposed to be Calvin’s due date. By bearing witness to our grief, you held us. With each message Louie and I felt lifted up and carried by your love and support. Thank you, also,…

I’m Not the Only One Who “Needs Help”

Someone who I desperately need to understand (because of this person’s significance in my life), believes that because I lost Calvin so early in his life, my pain is easier compared to someone who lost a child later in life or to someone who lost a parent… that less time…

Is This My New “Normal”?

On July 12, 2009, Posted by , In Calvin Phoenix,Life,Miscarriage, By , With No Comments

after a night of being so overwhelmed by the grief and pain of losing my son that it felt like dying, today i’m ok. perhaps i’m getting used to these recurrent slamming into a glass wall/getting power-punched in the gut moments of despair, as well as the triggers that bring…

Hand Talking

On September 4, 2008, Posted by , In Family,Life,Wedding, By , , With No Comments

On the way back to SF after my 2nd fitting at David’s Bridal in Pinole, I called my mom up to let her know that I went ahead and got the bustle for my dress. I also mentioned that I didn’t have a veil for the veil ceremony and said…

Is it really next month?

On August 9, 2008, Posted by , In Life,Wedding, With No Comments

I cannot believe how few days are left until our wedding.  I am excited and happy that we will be getting our marriage blessed <3. And yes, I am really looking forward seeing our family and celebrating with them. When I am not flustered or flabbergasted, I am actually enjoying…