dandiewinks

Category Archives: Life

Happy Wedding Anniversary, My Love

On September 27, 2011, Posted by , In Life,Louie,Wedding, By , With No Comments

Photo credit: Thank you to Ed Pingol Photography for taking these beautiful photos.

I Would Die for That by Kellie Coffey

On September 2, 2011, Posted by , In Family,Gaelen Evangeline,Louie,TTC & Infertility, By , With No Comments

Every time I watch this video, I am reduced to big, heavy tears. Tears of missing Calvin, Rainbow, and Gaelen, Of wanting them here—alive. Of wanting Calvin and Rainbow nestled on either side of me and Gaelen still growing safely in my belly. Tears that question if Louie and I will ever…

S is for Stop (and sit with the grief)

Be strong. Don’t cry. You should be happy. He wouldn’t want to see you like this. Don’t let him see you like this. Don’t cry. He’s in a better place. You should be happy. You’re lucky. Just try again. Be strong. Keep busy. Just have another one. Don’t think about…

“Because Grief is As Real as Love”

The title of this piece is from the In Mourning Band™ Campaign. Louie and I wear these bands for our babies. Because grief is as real as love, I mourn. I mourn my babies by saying the same things over and over, by finding different ways to say these things…

A Thank You Giveaway

I recently noticed that my Google Friend Connect widget (see “stay in touch” over in the left sidebar) has reached 50. Yes this isn’t a lot, but I still remember the days when that number read “0,” when I was still in the early days of grief and reaching out…

Happy Birthday, Mama

On Saturday, Louie and I went to visit my grandmother at the cemetery. It was her birthday. We brought Calvin. I thought about her rocking him in her arms and singing to him. I emptied and rinsed her vases and used a dishwashing brush and Clorox wipes to clean her…

What Makes You Grateful?

Especially in the early days of grieving, it’s difficult to find things for which to be grateful. That’s why any statement that begins with At least… can induce fits of rage, tears, and cursing (and sometimes all of the above). In my experience, it’s much better to allow us to…

The 5th Belongs to Calvin – Right Where I Am: 822 Days

822 days = 19,728 hours = 27 months = 1,183,680 minutes = 2.25 years = 71,020,800 seconds. That’s how long I’ve been without my son. That’s how long it’s been since I delivered Calvin into this world with his eyes shut and a still heart. Since I held him in…