I don't like choking down tears. I don't like pretending to be happy or content when all I can think about is how my baby should be with me, how I should still be pregnant, how Louie and I should have Continue Reading »
The Cord
by Terri Apostolakos We are connected, my child and I, By an invisible cord not seen by the eye. It's not like the cord that connects us at birth This cord can't be seen by any on earth. This cord Continue Reading »
Though I Am Broken, He Lifts Me Up
Yes, I do have faith in God, and I truly believe He has a greater purpose for calling Calvin Phoenix. After I delivered Calvin, I decided that I would lay my son at His feet, that my first child, my Continue Reading »
My Failings as a Mother
I should not have exerted myself so much in the beginning of my pregnancy because I was spotting and cramping for almost two months of my pregnancy, and it increased when I was on my feet and walking Continue Reading »
Easter Without Calvin
While I was pregnant with Calvin, I looked forward to all of the holidays I would get to spend with him in my belly - his first of almost every major holiday with me and Louie. I found out I was Continue Reading »
the absence of pain
While I was pregnant with Calvin, I had this sharp pain in my lower back; it was mostly on the right side, but sometimes it would move to the left. It started early in my pregnancy. I would feel it Continue Reading »
A Place for Calvin’s Ashes
The hardest part about looking for an urn for my baby was having to acknowledge my baby's death. Each picture I looked at, every description of dimension and size – it was like being told over and Continue Reading »
Did my body already know?
I was randomly opening up an old journal and found this in an entry dated October 30, 2001: (Oh yeah, more of Dream 2): was pregnant but it was weird. it's like a bubble. belly button is popping Continue Reading »