Monday, September 23, 2019
Home > Faith > Gaelen’s heaven day and Nathalia’s birthday

Gaelen’s heaven day and Nathalia’s birthday

Tomorrow morning, my RE will remove the “products of conception” from my womb. I’m not found of that wording, but technically that is what is happening. This is not something that I have blogged or shared with many people, but the itemized statements and insurance claims from when I was induced with Calvin labelled it as an “abortion,” which is such a loaded word. Many people tend to associate that word with terminating an unwanted pregnancy, with killing an embryo or fetus. But this word is defined as the termination of a pregnancy after, accompanied by, resulting in, or closely followed by the death of the embryo or fetus. So, even though my much wanted child is gone, I am expecting (though probably will never be prepared) to see “abortion” on my paperwork again.

I am so thankful that my RE was willing to do another ultrasound, that she let us decide and addressed our concerns, and that she is compassionate. Although, physically, I probably could have waited longer to see if my body would recognize that Gaelen was gone, I am emotionally drained and have made peace with knowing that my baby’s soul is with Jesus and big brother and big sister and all of our other relatives who rejoice in heaven. We choice to have the uterine extraction instead of the medication because the risks are minimal for both, because I will be at the hospital (which feels safer to both of us at this point), because it should be relatively quick as compared to the medications which may not work, and because testing can be done on the gestational sac.

My appointment is at 9am tomorrow morning. To prepare for the procedure, I have to take one dose of antibiotics tonight and one dose of antibiotics, vicodin, hydrocodone-acetaminophen, an NSAID, and valium in the morning. Tomorrow evening, I take another dose of antibiotics. Also I feel this is the best decision for us at this time, I am scared. Minimal-risk, low-risk, and rare don’t really click for me because I have been living in the world of rare for the past few years: from my uterus didelphys (one of the least common uterine anomalies), to Calvin’s amniotic band sequence leading to his death, to having three losses in a row. So again, I ask you for prayers, thoughts, vibes… that the procedure goes as it should without any detriment to my health or to my chances at future conception, that I don’t experience any adverse or harmful side effects from the medications, that Louie and I are able to find peace as we wait, during, and after saying goodbye to this pregnancy.

And, again, I will ask you to pray for my SIL and niece, because at the same time tomorrow, Claire has an appointment to be induced. Please pray for peace and a safe and healthy delivery for Claire and Nathalia.

For some time, I had been feeling that Gaelen would leave this world when Nathalia entered it. It seems that these feelings were right and these two cousins will share a special day together.

crystal
Crystal is a mother-wife-writer whose explorations include parenting, grief, food, and semi-crunchy living. She is currently an MFA in writing student, a content editor for Still Standing Magazine, and the technical editor for Switchback.

0 thoughts on “Gaelen’s heaven day and Nathalia’s birthday

  1. I stopped in to welcome you to the A to Z blogging challenge! I’m a co-host, should you need any assistance don’t hesitate to ask! I do hope you’ll stop by my neck of the woods! We can also be found on twitter (I’m @jenunedited and we’re tweeting at #atozchallenge)!

    Such a cute blog!

  2. I stopped in to welcome you to the A to Z blogging challenge! I’m a co-host, should you need any assistance don’t hesitate to ask! I do hope you’ll stop by my neck of the woods! We can also be found on twitter (I’m @jenunedited and we’re tweeting at #atozchallenge)!

    Such a cute blog!

  3. I’m just now reading this. Crystal & Louie, I am bereaved for you beyond measure. I’m just so sorry and so concerned for you. Praying for all of you. God bless you.

  4. I’m just now reading this. Crystal & Louie, I am bereaved for you beyond measure. I’m just so sorry and so concerned for you. Praying for all of you. God bless you.

  5. (((((((((bear hugs)))))))))) Im so sorry for you and Louie. I really have no words. Life can be so cruel…but as the 5th will always belong to Calvin..the 25th now belongs to Gaelan..xoxo..love you and wish that things would go differently for you, you are such amazing parents!

  6. Good listen: Yolanda Adams – The Battle is The Lords

    Wish I could be there with you guys today but we aren’t able to make it. Praying for lil angel Gaelan (the letters for angel are in Gaelan’s name! :)), for your health & safety in today’s procedure & that both you & kuya louie feel all the love & support from friends & family & strength & comfort in God.

    <3love love love you guys!

  7. Im so sorry 🙁 I had hoped for a better outcome and prayed for one too. I will def be thinking of you and sending prayers through your procedure. xo

  8. Huge Prayers being said. I watched the clock today when it was time for your appt , I prayed. I’m so sorry & I will be thinking of both of you tomorrow morning. Praying that Claire & new baby do fine also.
    {{{HUGS}}} Love you so much.
    I seen those same words on paperwork 3 times now for me. I dislike so much. It is hard and not fair. Thinking of you <3 Gaelen <3

"Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen." (Ephesians 4:29)

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