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Capture Your Grief – Day 2: Heart

Because I cannot hold them in my arms, I carry them in my heart: Calvin Phoenix (03.05.2009) Rainbow (12.10.2009) Gaelen Evangeline (03.24.2011) Pixel Clementine (11.27.2013) Capture Your Grief is an annual, 31-day mindful healing project that consists of photography and reflection. It is for “anyone who is grieving the death of…

Capture Your Grief – Day 1: Sunrise

6:56am, San Francisco, CA at sunrise grey overwhelms blue the light fades into mourning wet fog surrounds me I wrote my first version of this poem, “each morning,” about two months after Calvin (my first baby) died. In those raw days of grieving, waking up to the reality that my…

The Spaces of Missing

This is Louie holding our first baby, Calvin Phoenix, after he was stillborn in 2009. This is Louie holding our fourth and only living baby, Charlie Bastian, after his birth in 2012. It’s not often that Louie is recognized as a father of more-than-one, as a daddy to FIVE wanted…

For My Pixel in Heaven

On March 4, 2014, Posted by , In Pixel Clementine, With No Comments

I never came into this space — my sacred space — to share that I had gotten pregnant again. That I had lost a baby again. That for a very short while, I carried a baby girl, whose formation was disrupted by both Trisomy 18 and Turner’s Syndrome. I didn’t…

No Small Miracle

On January 7, 2014, Posted by , In Charlie Bastian,Photography, By , With No Comments

Carrying my babies

…all five in my heart, one in my arms.

Happy Holidays from our Family to Yours

Snackey Chains

On December 12, 2013, Posted by , In Art & Crafts, By ,,, , With No Comments

: My #homemade #YankeeSwap gift for the #usfca OCM holiday party. It was voted "swappiest gift" aka "worst" gift. So did I win? Or did I lose?