It’s not have that I haven’t felt it in a long time. I’ve recently gotten angry at specific things that were said or implied, but those aren’t the things I want to explore right now. Those things, now that I am over two years out from my first loss, are much easier to let go after a good venting session and a response that is, as Louie put it, heavy-handed but gentle.
The anger I’m speaking of is the one the fills me not for a particular reason, action, or statement stemming from anyone, but plain and simply because I.HAVE.LOST.ALL.OF.MY.BABIES.
I wasn’t sure if it would come. My heart has been filled with sorrow, but it has also been held by many. Then, I started to feel it a few nights ago, this anger. I felt it warm, heavy, pulsing in my center. In the morning, I felt it rise and expand and spread through my body, running through my limbs as naturally as if it were blood and sodium and electricity. It’s both familiar and foreign, this anger, starting as a warmth that sat in my arms and legs, one that would have turned into fits of screaming, except that I chose to let it trickle out through my fingertips and into these words.
what is anger?
A friend shared something that a therapist told her: Anger is like drinking a poison and waiting for someone else to die. It makes sense, especially if you do nothing with that emotion and let have its way with you; it will infect your relationships, your thinking, your health. But being angry at a person, at God (yes, it’s okay to angry with Him, too), at circumstance, at life, will not affect anyone but you—unless you do something about it. I’m not saying it should be like food poisoning and that you should vomit all of it up onto someone’s face (but I do admit that the idea of doing so has its appeal). Here’s a simple fragment of wisdom for you…
You can’t let it go until you let it out.
Feel free to quote me on that.
Despite what others may try to tell us, it is normal to feel angry, and it is important to express it in a healthy way. I found this quote… I don’t remember how or what I was looking for when I did, but it resonated with me:
“Anger is not malice or vindictiveness or hate or anything other than a healthy feeling which we have to communicate that we feel strongly about something or feel we are being treated in an unacceptable way.” (Creative Personal Growth).
Honor yourself by respecting your feelings and by not choking them down to make it less uncomfortable for those who can’t handle it. Honor those who have hurt you by sharing your feelings in a respectful way. And, hopefully, they can do the same for you by acknowledging how they made you feel without getting defensive. Just because one’s intentions are good, and even if you were misunderstood, it doesn’t dismiss the hurt that was inflicted; learn from it.
What about you?
What does your anger look like? What does it feel like? And what do you do with it? Has anyone ever told you your anger was wrong? How did/would you handle that?