Monday, July 6, 2020
Home > Grief & Loss > A is for Anger (Anger made its entrance)

A is for Anger (Anger made its entrance)

It’s not have that I haven’t felt it in a long time. I’ve recently gotten angry at specific things that were said or implied, but those aren’t the things I want to explore right now. Those things, now that I am over two years out from my first loss, are much easier to let go after a good venting session and a response that is, as Louie put it, heavy-handed but gentle.

The anger I’m speaking of is the one the fills me not for a particular reason, action, or statement stemming from anyone, but plain and simply because I.HAVE.LOST.ALL.OF.MY.BABIES.

I wasn’t sure if it would come. My heart has been filled with sorrow, but it has also been held by many. Then, I started to feel it a few nights ago, this anger. I felt it warm, heavy, pulsing in my center. In the morning, I felt it rise and expand and spread through my body, running through my limbs as naturally as if it were blood and sodium and electricity. It’s both familiar and foreign, this anger, starting as a warmth that sat in my arms and legs, one that would have turned into fits of screaming, except that I chose to let it trickle out through my fingertips and into these words.

what is anger?

A is for AngerYou can’t let it go until you let it out!

A friend shared something that a therapist told her: Anger is like drinking a poison and waiting for someone else to die. It makes sense, especially if you do nothing with that emotion and let have its way with you; it will infect your relationships, your thinking, your health. But being angry at a person, at God (yes, it’s okay to angry with Him, too), at circumstance, at life, will not affect anyone but you—unless you do something about it. I’m not saying it should be like food poisoning and that you should vomit all of it up onto someone’s face (but I do admit that the idea of doing so has its appeal). Here’s a simple fragment of wisdom for you…

You can’t let it go until you let it out.

Feel free to quote me on that.

Despite what others may try to tell us, it is normal to feel angry, and it is important to express it in a healthy way. I found this quote… I don’t remember how or what I was looking for when I did, but it resonated with me:

“Anger is not malice or vindictiveness or hate or anything other than a healthy feeling which we have to communicate that we feel strongly about something or feel we are being treated in an unacceptable way.” (Creative Personal Growth).

Honor yourself by respecting your feelings and by not choking them down to make it less uncomfortable for those who can’t handle it. Honor those who have hurt you by sharing your feelings in a respectful way. And, hopefully, they can do the same for you by acknowledging how they made you feel without getting defensive. Just because one’s intentions are good, and even if you were misunderstood, it doesn’t dismiss the hurt that was inflicted; learn from it.

What about you?

What does your anger look like? What does it feel like? And what do you do with it? Has anyone ever told you your anger was wrong? How did/would you handle that?

This post is a part of a series called Unpacking Grief, which I began as part of the Blogging from A to Z April Challenge.

Crystal is a mother-wife-writer whose explorations include parenting, grief, food, and semi-crunchy living. She is currently an MFA in writing student, a content editor for Still Standing Magazine, and the technical editor for Switchback.

0 thoughts on “A is for Anger (Anger made its entrance)

  1. Anger unreleased turns into depression. How well I know… I didn’t think I was angry about Meredith, but I was. Please do everything you can, dear, to release that anger in healthy ways. It is a tough situation, to sit back and think that all your children are gone.My heart goes out to you and my prayers are going up. xoxo

    1. sarita, that is so true. i’ve found myself trying to run from the anger and having it buried under depression.. it wasn’t until i started examining it that i realized that anger was just under the surface. and i have felt so much better after acknowledging it.

  2. I am so sorry. Letting it out is necessary. And, you are right, you can’t let it go until you let it out. Well said my friend. I wish there was something I could say to make it hurt less. But, there are no words. And, the truth is…the only way is to feel it, walk through it, hurt and ache, feel the anger…the sorrow…all of it…releasing it when you can and sometimes laying helplessly in the arms of Jesus when you are so poured out there’s nothing left.

    The only way out is through.

    I’m so sorry, my dear friend. Hurting with you and praying for you…

    1. kelly, thank you. it really means a lot to hear that. i don’t what to “skip” past this. everything that comes out of this grief is a connection. and thank you for the reminder that it’s okay to collapse at his feet as well.

  3. I am often back in the angry phase. I am angry WITH You for you feeling this pain. But in my journey I was told by a close friend that “Anger is fear” and when he told me this, I sat and thought and thought of what I was afraid of. I can sit here and list them all, but you read my blog and you know my fears. I think its perfectly healthy to feel angry after what you been through. I think its also VERY healthy to let that anger out. In writing, art, screaming, breaking things against the walls. What ever you can do to get a release. Bottled up anger is poison to the soul. it WILL eventually come out. there is no way around it…((((hugs)))

"Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen." (Ephesians 4:29)

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