On Saturday, Louie and I went to visit my grandmother at the cemetery. It was her birthday. We brought Calvin. I thought about her rocking him in her arms and singing to him.
I emptied and rinsed her vases and used a dishwashing brush and Clorox wipes to clean her headstone and remove the dirt and debris. Then I arranged the flowers I picked out for her: red roses (because, when I was in elementary school, she told me they were her favorite) and pink pom daisies and sunflowers because they reminded me of my wedding (I brought her flowers from our reception arrangements the day after we got married). Last, I pulled at some of the weeds and grass that were starting to reach over her headstone. It felt good to be able to do that for her (though I think it was really mostly for me); I wish I did more while she was still alive.
It’s been 7 1/2 years since she died, and I still miss her. I still cry for her. But I’m so happy (and so jealous) she gets to spend her birthday in heaven with three of her great grandbabies.