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these fragments i love

You are here: Home / Archives for My Babies / Pixel Clementine

“When will you have another one?”

November 28, 2015 Leave a Comment

Still of sky lantern scene from "Tangled"

It's been two years. Two years since I was last pregnant. Two years since my last pregnancy ended. Two years since: The timing isn't right. Two years since: There's a baby in momma's tummy. Two years Continue Reading »

Filed Under: Grief & Loss, Pixel Clementine, TTC & Infertility

For my Pixel Clementine

November 27, 2014 Leave a Comment

Pixel Clementine's 1st heavenly birthday remembrance cupcake

2014. I love you, baby girl. I miss you everyday. Pixel Clementine is our fifth child and fourth in heaven. We lost her early in pregnancy after a missed miscarriage and MUA on November 27, 2013. We Continue Reading »

Filed Under: Calvin's Cupcakes, Pixel Clementine Tagged With: 1st, anniversary

Capture Your Grief – Day 14: Light and Dark

October 16, 2014 Leave a Comment

One Who Soars and In Mourning bands

The white "One Who Soars" and black "In Mourning" wristbands are from the MISS Foundation. The March of Dimes wristband (purple) is from the March for Babies. Capture Your Grief is an annual, Continue Reading »

Filed Under: Calvin Phoenix, Capture Your Grief 2014, Gaelen Evangeline, Grief & Loss, Honor & Remember, Louie, Pixel Clementine, Projects, Rainbow Baby Tagged With: in mourning, march of dimes, one who soars

Capture Your Grief – Day 13: Season

October 16, 2014 Leave a Comment

San Francisco hills and fog

Calvin, Rainbow, Gaelen, and Pixel — I feel your absence more acutely when the sky is filled with white and the air smells cold and heavy. I miss you most in the moments before rain. Continue Reading »

Filed Under: Calvin Phoenix, Capture Your Grief 2014, Gaelen Evangeline, Grief & Loss, Pixel Clementine, Projects, Rainbow Baby

Capture Your Grief – Day 12: Music

October 15, 2014 Leave a Comment

"All of Me" is one of those songs that just overcomes me. It sums up how I feel about every one of my children — how I felt when I learned of Calvin's amniotic band syndrome and then held him Continue Reading »

Filed Under: Calvin Phoenix, Capture Your Grief 2014, Charlie Bastian, Gaelen Evangeline, Grief & Loss, Music & Songs, Pixel Clementine, Projects, Rainbow Baby

Capture Your Grief – Day 11: Altar

October 13, 2014 Leave a Comment

Calvin, Rainbow, Gaelen, and Pixel's spaces in our home.

The spaces of our home are filled with the presence of all of our babies. Capture Your Grief is an annual, 31-day mindful healing project that consists of photography and reflection. It is for Continue Reading »

Filed Under: Calvin Phoenix, Capture Your Grief 2014, Gaelen Evangeline, Grief & Loss, Pixel Clementine, Projects, Rainbow Baby

Capture Your Grief – Day 2: Heart

October 2, 2014 Leave a Comment

I carry Calvin, Rainbow, Gaelen, and Pixel in my heart

Because I cannot hold them in my arms, I carry them in my heart: Calvin Phoenix (03.05.2009) Rainbow (12.10.2009) Gaelen Evangeline (03.24.2011) Pixel Clementine (11.27.2013) Capture Your Continue Reading »

Filed Under: Calvin Phoenix, Capture Your Grief 2014, Gaelen Evangeline, Grief & Loss, Honor & Remember, Pixel Clementine, Projects, Rainbow Baby

Capture Your Grief – Day 1: Sunrise

October 2, 2014 Leave a Comment

Sunrise and St. Ignatius Church

6:56am, San Francisco, CA at sunrise grey overwhelms blue the light fades into mourning wet fog surrounds me I wrote my first version of this poem, "each morning," about two months after Continue Reading »

Filed Under: Calvin Phoenix, Capture Your Grief 2014, Gaelen Evangeline, Grief & Loss, Honor & Remember, Pixel Clementine, Poetry, Projects, Rainbow Baby

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