Calvin's birth Two years ago, at this time, I was at the hospital in labor with our first child. Louie and I were alone. We were scared. We knew our baby was dead. We knew our baby had birth defects. I had finally agreed to the epidural when I started to
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Louie and I have never spent a night away from Calvin's ashes. When we visit family for a weekend, we bring his urn, his main stuffed animals, his memory box, and his journal. We carry all of these things in a canvas bag – the same bag we used to
Read MoreLast year, for our first Christmas without our babies, Louie and I went away. We spend it in Las Vegas as an attempt to avoid the triggers and give ourselves some respite. We were still reeling from losing Rainbow – I had stopped bleeding just a few days before we
Read MoreThe only person who's ever seen these is Louie (he took them, too). These are my only belly pics from my pregnancy with Calvin, taken on January 19, 2009, just a few days before things started falling apart, and we never thought to take another one. We had talked of
Read MoreChoosing to deliver you with mommy was the greatest honor of my life. Happy 20th in Heaven, Calvie. This month's The 5th Belongs to Calvin post is by Calvin and Rainbow's daddy. (I love the way you love our babies, Louie.)
Read MoreIn my last post, The artist and the writer, which was also my last The 5th Belongs to Calvin post, I shared two photos that my mother-in-law took of the clouds. What she saw was Calvin's name. Yes, his name: C-A-L-V-I-N. At first, I was very skeptical. I really couldn't
Read MoreYesterday was the anniversary of Calvin's due date, and although my heart was heavy, there were no tears. This morning, though, they are just below the surface of a breath, barely touched by a blink, and ready to spill over. It's not the heavy sobbing that poured out on Rainbow's
Read MoreThis post has been a long-time-in-the-making, but I just kept pushing it back because I wanted more time to process the images and get them in good good shape/size for posting. This morning I woke up and decided I would do just that for this month's The 5th Belongs to
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