The 5th Belongs to Calvin: Happy 2nd birthday, my darling

Calvin’s birth Two years ago, at this time, I was at the hospital in labor with our first child. Louie and I were alone. We were scared. We knew our baby was dead. We knew our baby had birth defects. I had finally agreed to the epidural when I started…

The 5th Belongs to Calvin: You are remembered

Louie and I have never spent a night away from Calvin’s ashes. When we visit family for a weekend, we bring his urn, his main stuffed animals, his memory box, and his journal. We carry all of these things in a canvas bag – the same bag we used to…

The 5th Belongs to Calvin: Where I found my Christmas spirit

Last year, for our first Christmas without our babies, Louie and I went away. We spend it in Las Vegas as an attempt to avoid the triggers and give ourselves some respite. We were still reeling from losing Rainbow – I had stopped bleeding just a few days before we…

The 5th Belongs to Calvin: His only belly pics

The only person who’s ever seen these is Louie (he took them, too). These are my only belly pics from my pregnancy with Calvin, taken on January 19, 2009, just a few days before things started falling apart, and we never thought to take another one. We had talked of…

The 5th Belongs to Calvin: From Daddy

Choosing to deliver you with mommy was the greatest honor of my life. Happy 20th in Heaven, Calvie. This month’s The 5th Belongs to Calvin post is by Calvin and Rainbow’s daddy. (I love the way you love our babies, Louie.)

The 5th Belongs to Calvin: Calvin’s cloud drawings

On September 5, 2010, Posted by , In Calvin Phoenix,Design, By , With No Comments

In my last post, The artist and the writer, which was also my last The 5th Belongs to Calvin post, I shared two photos that my mother-in-law took of the clouds. What she saw was Calvin’s name. Yes, his name: C-A-L-V-I-N. At first, I was very skeptical. I really couldn’t…

The 5th Belongs to Calvin: The artist and the writer

Yesterday was the anniversary of Calvin’s due date, and although my heart was heavy, there were no tears. This morning, though, they are just below the surface of a breath, barely touched by a blink, and ready to spill over. It’s not the heavy sobbing that poured out on Rainbow’s…

The 5th Belongs to Calvin: The sweetest names I ever sighed

This post has been a long-time-in-the-making, but I just kept pushing it back because I wanted more time to process the images and get them in good good shape/size for posting. This morning I woke up and decided I would do just that for this month’s The 5th Belongs to…