It started with pieces of me gone with my babies, pieces left behind by grief. I'm in fragments, but it's a beautiful mess, so I'm blessed to be broken.

Capture Your Grief – Day 28: Wisdom

Lean into the grief.
Two months after Calvin died, we joined the UCSF Compass Care support group for bereaved parents. Our facilitators were Helge Osterholde and Melissa Whippo. They one of the first and few to tell us to honor our feelings, to lean into the grief. They helped me find the path to healing.


Capture Your Grief is an annual, 31-day mindful healing project that consists of photography and reflection. It is for “anyone who is grieving the death of a baby or child at any age or gestation.” Learn how you can participate or provide support at Carly Marie Project Heal.

Capture Your Grief – Day 24: Forgiveness

Forgiveness Heart

“Forgiveness doesn’t excuse their actions. Forgiveness stops their actions from destroying your heart” (Karen Salmansohn).


Capture Your Grief is an annual, 31-day mindful healing project that consists of photography and reflection. It is for “anyone who is grieving the death of a baby or child at any age or gestation.” Learn how you can participate or provide support at Carly Marie Project Heal.

Capture Your Grief – Day 23: Inspiration

Work inspired by my babies.
My babies inspire me to create.


Capture Your Grief is an annual, 31-day mindful healing project that consists of photography and reflection. It is for “anyone who is grieving the death of a baby or child at any age or gestation.” Learn how you can participate or provide support at Carly Marie Project Heal.

Capture Your Grief – Day 22: Self-Care

Me with makeup.
Because sometimes makeup makes me feel better.


Capture Your Grief is an annual, 31-day mindful healing project that consists of photography and reflection. It is for “anyone who is grieving the death of a baby or child at any age or gestation.” Learn how you can participate or provide support at Carly Marie Project Heal.

Capture Your Grief – Day 20: Breathe

San Francisco city view from Lone Mountain


Capture Your Grief is an annual, 31-day mindful healing project that consists of photography and reflection. It is for “anyone who is grieving the death of a baby or child at any age or gestation.” Learn how you can participate or provide support at Carly Marie Project Heal.

Capture Your Grief – Day 17: Explore

Grief, Hope, and Me art piece
Grieving does not mean I’ve lost hope. Having hope does not mean I no longer grieve.


Capture Your Grief is an annual, 31-day mindful healing project that consists of photography and reflection. It is for “anyone who is grieving the death of a baby or child at any age or gestation.” Learn how you can participate or provide support at Carly Marie Project Heal.

Capture Your Grief – Day 18: Gratitude

Grateful

“i thank You God for most this amazing”

e.e. cummings (1950)

i thank You God for most this amazing
day: for the leaping greenly spirits of trees
and a blue true dream of sky; and for everything
which is natural which is infinite which is yes

(i who have died am alive again today,
and this is the sun’s birthday; this is the birth
day of life and of love and wings: and of the gay
great happening illimitably earth)

how should tasting touching hearing seeing
breathing any–lifted from the no
of all nothing–human merely being
doubt unimaginable You?

(now the ears of my ears awake and
now the eyes of my eyes are opened)


Capture Your Grief is an annual, 31-day mindful healing project that consists of photography and reflection. It is for “anyone who is grieving the death of a baby or child at any age or gestation.” Learn how you can participate or provide support at Carly Marie Project Heal.

Capture Your Grief – Day 16: Retreat

iPhone Do Not Disturb
Gone off the grid.


Capture Your Grief is an annual, 31-day mindful healing project that consists of photography and reflection. It is for “anyone who is grieving the death of a baby or child at any age or gestation.” Learn how you can participate or provide support at Carly Marie Project Heal.

Capture Your Grief – Day 14: Light and Dark

We wear white One Who Soars and black In Mourning wristbands
The white “One Who Soars” and black “In Mourning” wristbands are from the MISS Foundation. The March of Dimes wristband (purple) is from the March for Babies.


Capture Your Grief is an annual, 31-day mindful healing project that consists of photography and reflection. It is for “anyone who is grieving the death of a baby or child at any age or gestation.” Learn how you can participate or provide support at Carly Marie Project Heal.

Capture Your Grief – Day 13: Season

San Francisco hills and fog
Calvin, Rainbow, Gaelen, and Pixel —

I feel your absence more acutely when the sky is filled with white and the air smells cold and heavy. I miss you most in the moments before rain.

Love, Mommy


Capture Your Grief is an annual, 31-day mindful healing project that consists of photography and reflection. It is for “anyone who is grieving the death of a baby or child at any age or gestation.” Learn how you can participate or provide support at Carly Marie Project Heal.

Capture Your Grief – Day 15: Community

Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Ribbon

like songbirds

born of the first mother to ever outlive her child this ancient song that wrote itself into our dna like songbirds or maybe like wolves it rang through my insides and buried itself inside my belly the morning my son passed from liquid to air from inside to outside passed down by mothers whose children have died to mothers whose children died i want to kneel in a circle at dusk in a circle with mothers who have carried life turned lifeless with the fathers the fathers beating the ground or beating their chests we crescendo my child my child my child my child


Capture Your Grief is an annual, 31-day mindful healing project that consists of photography and reflection. It is for “anyone who is grieving the death of a baby or child at any age or gestation.” Learn how you can participate or provide support at Carly Marie Project Heal.

Capture Your Grief – Day 12: Music

“All of Me” is one of those songs that just overcomes me. It sums up how I feel about every one of my children — how I felt when I learned of Calvin’s amniotic band syndrome and then held him after he was stillborn, how I felt during each following pregnancy (including the pregnancy with my earth baby).

You’re gonna know all my love
Even if it’s not enough
Enough to mend our broken hearts
But giving you all of me
Is where I’ll start

Matt Hammitt. “All of Me.” Every Falling Tear. Sparrow Records, 2011.

Music is a part of my relationship with each of my children. And it is one of the few ways that I continue to connect with my heaven babies. You can listen to “All of Me” and some of the other songs that remind me of Calvin, Rainbow, Gaelen, and Pixel on this YouTube playlist (bit.ly/RemembranceSongs):


Capture Your Grief is an annual, 31-day mindful healing project that consists of photography and reflection. It is for “anyone who is grieving the death of a baby or child at any age or gestation.” Learn how you can participate or provide support at Carly Marie Project Heal.