dandiewinks

Category Archives: Pixel Clementine

“When will you have another one?”

On November 28, 2015, Posted by , In Grief & Loss,Pixel Clementine,TTC & Infertility, With No Comments

It’s been two years. Two years since I was last pregnant. Two years since my last pregnancy ended. Two years since: The timing isn’t right. Two years since: There’s a baby in momma’s tummy. Two years since: No heartbeat. Two years since: Trisomy 18, Turner’s Syndrome, female. Two years since:…

For my Pixel Clementine

On November 27, 2014, Posted by , In Calvin's Cupcakes,Pixel Clementine, By , , With No Comments

I love you, baby girl. I miss you everyday. Pixel Clementine is our fifth child and fourth in heaven. We lost her early in pregnancy after a missed miscarriage and MUA on November 27, 2013. We learned that she had Turner’s Syndrome and Trisomy 18. She plays in the clouds…

Capture Your Grief – Day 14: Light and Dark

The white “One Who Soars” and black “In Mourning” wristbands are from the MISS Foundation. The March of Dimes wristband (purple) is from the March for Babies. Capture Your Grief is an annual, 31-day mindful healing project that consists of photography and reflection. It is for “anyone who is grieving the…

Capture Your Grief – Day 13: Season

Calvin, Rainbow, Gaelen, and Pixel — I feel your absence more acutely when the sky is filled with white and the air smells cold and heavy. I miss you most in the moments before rain. Love, Mommy Capture Your Grief is an annual, 31-day mindful healing project that consists of photography…

Capture Your Grief – Day 12: Music

“All of Me” is one of those songs that just overcomes me. It sums up how I feel about every one of my children — how I felt when I learned of Calvin’s amniotic band syndrome and then held him after he was stillborn, how I felt during each following…

Capture Your Grief – Day 11: Altar

The spaces of our home are filled with the presence of all of our babies. Capture Your Grief is an annual, 31-day mindful healing project that consists of photography and reflection. It is for “anyone who is grieving the death of a baby or child at any age or gestation.” Learn…

Capture Your Grief – Day 2: Heart

Because I cannot hold them in my arms, I carry them in my heart: Calvin Phoenix (03.05.2009) Rainbow (12.10.2009) Gaelen Evangeline (03.24.2011) Pixel Clementine (11.27.2013) Capture Your Grief is an annual, 31-day mindful healing project that consists of photography and reflection. It is for “anyone who is grieving the death of…

Capture Your Grief – Day 1: Sunrise

6:56am, San Francisco, CA at sunrise grey overwhelms blue the light fades into mourning wet fog surrounds me I wrote my first version of this poem, “each morning,” about two months after Calvin (my first baby) died. In those raw days of grieving, waking up to the reality that my…