I first learned of this movement in the Babyloss Community from Maggie, Alexandra’s mommy. The idea is that if enough of us request that Oprah does a segment on baby loss, maybe it will actually happen and air during her last season. I’m hoping that if we push for a specific day – Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day, which is on October 15 – it would give them more of a reason to produce it.
So I am passing on this request to everyone reading this, to babyloss families and non-babyloss families alike. There are several reasons why I would love to see this on the Oprah show:
- It will provide support to those who have lost a child (and who may face it in the future), letting them know that they are not alone, connecting them with helpful resources, and helping them to understand that a lot of what they are feeling is normal, despite what others who haven’t gone through a similar may have been led to believe.
- It will provide education on infant and pregnancy loss and help those who know parents who have suffered pregnancy and child loss learn how to better support their grieving loved ones.
- It will show also show the beauty and good that has grown out of these tragedies: from the connections and friendships people have made to the ministries and services that have been founded in honor of these dearly loved children to the ways in which babyloss parents have become inspired and awakened creatively and spiritually as they face their losses.
Please, just take a few minutes to submit your story request to Oprah and share your experience with babyloss, whether personally or through someone you know. It would mean so much. I’ve copied what I submitted below; you don’t have to write as much as I did at all. And if you are so moved (and I hope you are) please pass this on for others to share, as well.
Thank you so much!
I call myself a mommy to two babies in heaven, but to many, I’m not a mother because I haven’t given birth to a living child. I carried my son, Calvin Phoenix, for 4 1/2 months, delivered him silent and still into this world, and held his tiny body in my arms. But because my baby died, I am marginalized. Women who are pregnant are called “moms-to-be.” After giving birth, they are congratulated on “becoming a mom.” What does that make me? A mom-that-was-supposed-to-be? A mom-that-almost-was?
Although stillbirth rates have gone down and viability is coming earlier in pregnancy, there are still many families affected by pregnancy and infant loss. And it’s not openly talked about or acknowledged. Instead, the grief is often met with platitudes and the quick fix to “have another one.” After losing Calvin, my husband and I felt alone, isolated, and misunderstood. In hindsight, I know that people’s lack of support, missteps in trying to comfort, and unrealistic expectations stem from a lack of knowledge and fear.
Oprah could shed light on and spread awareness of the tremendous impact of pregnancy and infant loss, as well also offer much needed support to “babyloss” parents by letting them know they aren’t alone and sharing services that are available. It wasn’t until after I lost my son and joined the BabyCenter Community loss boards and the many babyloss bloggers and that I began to find the support I needed. I’d never heard of Lynnette Kraft, Angie Smith, or Carly Marie Dudley, who have walked the child loss journey with inspiring grace and honesty. I didn’t know organizations, such as String of Pearls, Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep, and Sufficient Grace Ministries existed. There are so many things I wish I had known before; I would have made different decisions regarding Calvin’s birth.
By airing this story on Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day, October 15, Oprah could both support many hurting families and educate others on how to help them heal.