Wednesday, July 15, 2020
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G is for Goodness (Finding grace in this grief)

G is for Goodness
There’s something oddly right about knowing that my blood, my wound formed this heart.

Losing a child is not a good thing. It is not a blessing. It is not something any baby-loss parent I know would ever wish on another person.

However, goodness can and does come from it. When we are at our weakest, grace is revealed through us not in the act of losing, no through the actual pain and desperation, but through all the good that occurs in response to it all:

  • a nurse who takes her break early so she can be there during a procedure she had a feeling would be inevitable and who finds a disposable camera so you can take the only photos you will ever have with your baby
  • a midwife who sees your name on the patient list, remembers your struggle, and sits with you and your husband with tears in her eyes as you cradle your dead baby in your arms
  • a support group that becomes a second family and goes with you to an ultrasound when your husband cannot
  • a grief counselor who sends you a card on the anniversary of losing your son
  • friendships made between women who have never met, but who have grown to love each other as sisters
  • faith found, faith renewed, and faith strengthened through the sharing of your story
  • becoming closer to your spouse than you thought possible and realizing that you are enough for each other
  • finding your voice and using it

And there is so much more. I’ve written about how God has lifted me up and positive ways that I have changed through my losses.To be honest, though, if I had been given the choice, I would trade it in to have my children in my arms, instead of awaiting me in heaven. Yes, it’s selfish, but I still want them here—all three of them. (And I can hardly imagine how much God must love us to give Jesus up for our salvation.)

It’s difficult to reconcile, especially in the beginning, but I have to acknowledge that so much of the compassion, the love, the strength, and the goodness we have seen in the past 2+ years have been because we lost Calvin, then Rainbow, then Gaelen. I know because I’ve witnessed it. God is using us, our grief, our babies to make beauty from ashes, and He is being glorified through it all. And it is by His grace alone that I can rejoice in this knowledge.

What good things have come from your pain?

When did you recognize them as good? How did you connect it to your loss or heartache? Would you trade all the good to undo the bad?

This post is a part of a series called Unpacking Grief, which I began as part of the Blogging from A to Z April Challenge.

Crystal is a mother-wife-writer whose explorations include parenting, grief, food, and semi-crunchy living. She is currently an MFA in writing student, a content editor for Still Standing Magazine, and the technical editor for Switchback.

0 thoughts on “G is for Goodness (Finding grace in this grief)

  1. The good is I’ve grown as a person in a way that prolly wouldn’t have been possible had I not lost both of my babies in the way that I did. They’ve changed my life forever.

  2. You cannot buy friendships with money… the blogger friendships and other BLMs from a local support group… they are all priceless. Sometimes God speaks His love to me through random encouragements and even a stranger who left a note for me after overhearing about my losses. She herself was a BLM. We all have this empathy that unfortunately came through real life experiences but the empathy binds us strongly.

    1. That’s a really important point, that it is the empathy through our shared experiences that binds us and allows us to comfort each other. Thank you. I’m so glad that you were able to hear God through those wonderful actions.

  3. Nothing I could write in this space could even begin to compare to your story. Thank you for pointing out to me that my troubles are quite small. I’ll quit making so much of them.

    Stay strong,

    1. Lucy, thank you for acknowledging the pain and difficulties of what I’m going through. But in now diminishes any of your troubles… we each carry our burdens, and to each of us, they are so heavy.

  4. A good thing that has come from my pain and others pain is that I have met you and so many other women through blogs. The BLM blogs have helped me in healing so much. Although I continue to ache for you, I want to thank you for helping me so much. xoxo

"Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen." (Ephesians 4:29)

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