Tuesday, August 4, 2020
Home > My Babies > Calvin Phoenix > Things I Miss

Things I Miss

  • i miss the back pain and how difficult it was to get up
  • i miss the waddling
  • i miss the growth in my belly
  • i miss feeling beautiful because of him
  • i miss feeling his movements and the first and only time his daddy felt him move
  • i miss going in for ultrasounds to check on him – even if i had 5 intravaginal ultrasounds
  • i miss the way orange juice and coffee made me throw up
  • i miss craving bacon
  • i miss having to say no to coffee, caffeine, and processed foods
  • i miss being extra careful with washing fruits & vegetables
  • i miss seeing the stretch marks rise up on my hips and sides
  • i miss my goddaughter and nephew kissing my belly
  • i miss holding my baby niece up to my belly and asking her to give the baby advice
  • i miss asking my nephew where my baby is and having him point to my belly
  • i miss my coworkers asking how the baby is
  • i miss my desk being on the third floor because that’s where the bathroom was – i miss having to fight for that
  • i miss my Louie kissing my belly
  • i miss Louie doing the sign of the cross on me, then on my belly every morning before i left for work
  • i miss the voice Louie would use as he imagined our baby talking to us
  • i miss knowing that my baby was in my left uterus
  • i miss having to sleep on my side and not being able to lie on my belly
  • i miss the milk i produced after i lost him because it meant we were still physically connected
  • i miss not having my period
  • i miss going to babycenter each week with my husband and checking on our baby’s development
  • i miss tweeting about the baby’s size in fruit/vegetable
  • i miss people arguing about whether the baby was a boy or a girl
  • i miss the anticipation of telling everyone our baby’s name once we found out if the baby was a boy or a girl (i knew he was a boy because my grandma came to me in a dream, touched my belly, and told me so)
  • i miss being thankful for each week of my pregnancy
  • i miss having to prepare to move in with Louie’s parents
  • i miss talking to my baby and singing “You Are My Sunshine” and “Too Good to Be True” to him
  • i miss being in the hospital where I delivered him
  • i miss holding him and looking at his face
  • i miss looking forward to all the holidays with him
  • i miss the excitement of my family and friends
  • i miss the sense of purpose i felt
Crystal is a mother-wife-writer whose explorations include parenting, grief, food, and semi-crunchy living. She is currently an MFA in writing student, a content editor for Still Standing Magazine, and the technical editor for Switchback.

"Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen." (Ephesians 4:29)

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