October 4, 2014.
I have the amazing privilege and gift of being mother to four in heaven and one on earth.
I have no doubts about my marriage and relationship with Louie.
I am humbled by the realization that so much in life is beyond my control.
My heart has been shattered, softened, and broken wide open.
I do not believe that everything happens for a reason or for a greater good, but rather that bad things happen and a lot of times for no reason. I believe that it is through God’s grace that blessings can arise from and through loss, pain, and heartache.
I’ve learned that healing begins when you’re allowed to mourn as you need, on your terms. I am healing.
I am still learning to forgive.
I recognize and accept that I am broken. But not all of it needs fixing.
I’ve found my magis in writing and art.
I may not have the same lightness and joy and self-assurance as I did 6 years ago, but I have gained so much more. And that girl ain’t got nothing on me.
Capture Your Grief is an annual, 31-day mindful healing project that consists of photography and reflection. It is for “anyone who is grieving the death of a baby or child at any age or gestation.” Learn how you can participate or provide support at Carly Marie Project Heal.