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Capture Your Grief – Day 4: After

Crystal in October 2014

Crystal in October 2014October 4, 2014.

I have the amazing privilege and gift of being mother to four in heaven and one on earth.

I have no doubts about my marriage and relationship with Louie.

I am humbled by the realization that so much in life is beyond my control.

My heart has been shattered, softened, and broken wide open.

I do not believe that everything happens for a reason or for a greater good, but rather that bad things happen and a lot of times for no reason. I believe that it is through God’s grace that blessings can arise from and through loss, pain, and heartache.

I’ve learned that healing begins when you’re allowed to mourn as you need, on your terms. I am healing.

I am still learning to forgive.

I recognize and accept that I am broken. But not all of it needs fixing.

I’ve found my magis in writing and art.

I may not have the same lightness and joy and self-assurance as I did 6 years ago, but I have gained so much more. And that girl ain’t got nothing on me.

Capture Your Grief is an annual, 31-day mindful healing project that consists of photography and reflection. It is for “anyone who is grieving the death of a baby or child at any age or gestation.” Learn how you can participate or provide support at Carly Marie Project Heal.

Crystal is a mother-wife-writer whose explorations include parenting, grief, food, and semi-crunchy living. She is currently an MFA in writing student, a content editor for Still Standing Magazine, and the technical editor for Switchback.

"Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen." (Ephesians 4:29)

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