Monday, October 19, 2020
Home > My Babies > Calvin Phoenix > The 5th Belongs to Calvin: Deeply Loved

The 5th Belongs to Calvin: Deeply Loved

During my freshman year of college, Louie gave me a blue stuffed bunny that was wearing a knit Easter sweater. I named it Louie Bunny. Then, I started calling Louie Bunny. Then we both started calling each other Bunny.

When I got pregnant with Calvin, we referred to him as our Bunny Baby or Baby Bunny. Louie and I talked about how we could all call each other Bunny, and how confusing it would be not knowing who exactly we were speaking to. It seems like an odd conversation to remember, a weird situation to imagine: two parents and their child trying to have a conversation while each of them calls each other Bunny. Odd and weird. But how wonderful to have actually been able to live that moment that would have been specifically *ours* and ours alone.

I guess I have bunnies on mind because Easter is coming soon. Easter 2009 was our first holiday after losing Calvin. By each Easter after that, we were blessed with a new little love in our hearts: Rainbow Baby in 2010, Gaelen last year, and now we have Charlie growing in my belly.

This holiday is bittersweet for me. I need to remind myself how blessed I am to have Charlie alive and well in my womb, how blessed I am to have Calvin, Rainbow, and Gaelen alive and well with Jesus, how blessed I am to have four babies and a family of six to look forward to seeing complete in heaven.

So for today, I wanted to share this with you:

Dandiewinks photo and quote freebie

I took this photo (of what I think is purple phlox) while walking through Golden Gate Park with Louie. I added the following quote by Helen Keller:

What we once enjoyed and deeply loved we can never lose,
for all that we love deeply becomes a part of us.

Happy 37 months in heaven, my sweet Calvin. I love you deeply, and I will always carry you and your siblings in my heart.

P.S. Thank you for the wink today during my meeting when Art had to answer a call and the person he was speaking to was named Calvin ♥

Crystal is a mother-wife-writer whose explorations include parenting, grief, food, and semi-crunchy living. She is currently an MFA in writing student, a content editor for Still Standing Magazine, and the technical editor for Switchback.

0 thoughts on “The 5th Belongs to Calvin: Deeply Loved

  1. Hi Crystal,
    It’s been a long time since I’ve been to your blog 🙁 Congratulations on your little guy–we will definitely keep you and little Charlie in our prayers!

"Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen." (Ephesians 4:29)

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