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You are here: Home / My Babies / Calvin Phoenix / the absence of pain

the absence of pain

April 2, 2009 Leave a Comment

Pregnant Crystal at Claire's Birthday Party

While I was pregnant with Calvin, I had this sharp pain in my lower back; it was mostly on the right side, but sometimes it would move to the left. It started early in my pregnancy. I would feel it most when I had to get up from laying down or sitting for extended periods of time, after walking up and down steps, and sometimes just when I was tired. My chiropractor, Dr. Kim, told me that the pain was caused by loosening joints and ligaments (which also causes the waddling). I used to complain about it and about all of the other symptoms of pregnancy about which no one ever told me.

After I delivered my baby, I noticed two things: the emptiness of my belly and the absence of that back pain… And I wanted them back so badly.

That’s why, when I found this photo of me on my mother-in-law’s camera this past weekend, I had to copy it onto my computer. It reminds of me of that back pain, of the physical discomfort that caused me to move and lean so awkwardly — It was present for almost the entire duration of my pregnancy with Calvin. And the angle at which this photograph was taken – which most would consider unflattering – captures the roundness of my belly and the life that was inside. I love this picture of me and my baby.

Filed Under: Calvin Phoenix, Grief & Loss, Miscarriage, Pregnancy Tagged With: losing your baby, pregnancy symptoms, remembering

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