How mysterious are the ways of the Lord, that the most painful day of our lives was followed by the most fulfilling.
March 4, 2009: This was by far the worst day of our lives, when we learned of Calvin’s death and the need to take him from my body.
March 5, 2009: After induced labor, I delivered Calvin into this world. For a few hours, we were able to be parents to our first born son. We were able to hold him, rock him, speak to him, sing to him… to love on our son outside of my belly.
So it continues with yesterday and today.
August 4, 2009: Calvin’s due date is also exactly 5 months after learning he was lost to us in this world. With renewed pain, we were reminded of the reality of this life without him.
But with the aching on his due date also comes today —
August 5, 2009: Calvin’s 5 months in Heaven. Through the tears and aching of his passed due date, Louie and I can still hold onto March 5th, our son’s heavenly birthday. We can still remember the joy and peace that came with holding him in our arms for those brief hours.
And, yes, it is worth it.
My son was and will forever be worth this sorrow and heartache – and any more suffering our grief will bring. It is through Calvin Phoenix that we’ve learned our capacity to love. It is because of Calvin that we know what it is to be held by the Father. Through this beautiful baby, we are learning to have faith even in sorrow.