When people tell me you're so strong and I can't imagine and I don't know what I would do, a part of me feels like I'm showing a false front. To some degree, I can understand what they mean: how Continue Reading »
J is for Jolt (What it feels like to know it’s over)
The natural progression of matter is from order into chaos. Aromas born of a carefully crafted medley of herb, spice, and sustenance, for example, only reach our nostrils through the random dispersion Continue Reading »
I is for Ignorance (Uncovering my ignorance through grief)
In the baby loss community, we point out the ignorance of those who don't understand what we're going through, who expect us to just pick up and dust off and move forward, who don't stop and really Continue Reading »
H is for Hiding (My need to cocoon)
Since losing Calvin, I've found myself becoming more reclusive that I already was before my world cracked open. I'm very much an introvert; I need to be away from people to regain my center, but over Continue Reading »
G is for Goodness (Finding grace in this grief)
Losing a child is not a good thing. It is not a blessing. It is not something any baby-loss parent I know would ever wish on another person. However, goodness can and does come from it. When we are Continue Reading »
E is for Envy (Happy for you and sad for me)
In my last A to Z post, I did f instead of e, because, well, f was more appropriate considering how I was feeling. Now, I'm picking up what I skipped by talking about something that seems to be very Continue Reading »
F is for I forgot my baby’s day (Please forgive me, Calvin)
Yesterday was the 5th. Today is the 6th. Yesterday I did my post for the A to Z Challenge, but I did NOT post for Calvin. And now I am sitting here crying because I feel like I failed my son by Continue Reading »
D is for Damaged (All kinds of broken)
About a month and a half after delivering Calvin, I wrote a post on my failings as a mother. I just felt so broken... A broken woman who couldn't fulfill her biological role of carrying to term. A Continue Reading »
