In last September's The 5th Belongs to Calvin post, I showed Calvin's name spelled in the clouds. This is the follow-up to that post... almost a year later. Yes, it had been sitting as a draft for Continue Reading »
R is for Regrets (I really, really want a redo)
There was a point where, every single night, I would have trouble falling asleep because I was re-living the day Calvin was born and trying to make it right in my head over and over. I would imagine Continue Reading »
The 5th Belongs to Calvin: Things that will never change
"Happy 5th Calvin. 28 months in heaven. Momma misses you." (via instagram 07.05.2011) Missing: the way he moved and tumbled, the sound of his heartbeat, watching him on the ultrasound, his weight Continue Reading »
Q is for Questions (and no good answers)
I have been struggling to write this post for a while now. I've been writing it over and over in my notebook, then drawing big X's over the words, because I just couldn't get it to feel right. There Continue Reading »
Happy Birthday, Mama
On Saturday, Louie and I went to visit my grandmother at the cemetery. It was her birthday. We brought Calvin. I thought about her rocking him in her arms and singing to him. I emptied and rinsed Continue Reading »
What Makes You Grateful?
Especially in the early days of grieving, it's difficult to find things for which to be grateful. That's why any statement that begins with At least... can induce fits of rage, tears, and cursing (and Continue Reading »
P is for Powerless (A difficult truth)
I'm trying to let go of this guilt that I carry, to let go of this heaviness in my chest that tells me, You failed your babies and that's why they died. But letting go of it means also accepting that Continue Reading »
Happy Fathers Day, Louie
And Happy Fathers Day to all the other daddies out there, too: to daddies with children in their arms, to daddies with children in their hearts, and to daddies who are deeply missed. Continue Reading »
