Losing a child is not a good thing. It is not a blessing. It is not something any baby-loss parent I know would ever wish on another person. However, goodness can and does come from it. When we are Continue Reading »
D is for Damaged (All kinds of broken)
About a month and a half after delivering Calvin, I wrote a post on my failings as a mother. I just felt so broken... A broken woman who couldn't fulfill her biological role of carrying to term. A Continue Reading »
B is for Body Dysphoria (My body is not a wonderland)
I wrote about this picture before and how much I loved that it captured so much of my pregnancy, how much I missed the discomforts of being pregnant after losing Calvin (see the absence of pain). When Continue Reading »
Three babies in heaven
Even as I write this, I am praying that the doctor is wrong, that the ultrasound is wrong, that my baby lives. I know that if it is His will, He can still breathe life into this tiny being I still Continue Reading »
The 5th Belongs to Calvin: Happy 2nd birthday, my darling
Calvin's birth Two years ago, at this time, I was at the hospital in labor with our first child. Louie and I were alone. We were scared. We knew our baby was dead. We knew our baby had birth defects. Continue Reading »
Please join us for Calvin’s 2nd birthday in heaven
Tomorrow, March 5, is Calvin's 2nd heavenly birthday. We invite you to join us in honoring and celebrating our sweet boy on this special day. There are many ways in which you can remember him with Continue Reading »
the ugly cry
you know the kind. the kind that fills your entire body and wracks it with sobs. the kind that fills the silence of morning and mourning as primal, gutteral cries force their way through your gasps Continue Reading »
The 5th Belongs to Calvin: You are remembered
Louie and I have never spent a night away from Calvin's ashes. When we visit family for a weekend, we bring his urn, his main stuffed animals, his memory box, and his journal. We carry all of these Continue Reading »
